As fitness professionals I don't think we want to admit our flaws and struggles in fear of discrediting ourselves. Which might be exactly what I'm doing with this post.. But I'm tired of keeping it to myself and feeling like crap about it. I want to use this blog to BE REAL, connect with others on this and other issues, so we can work on being the best versions of ourselves. That being said...
It is taking a lot for me to write this. Well actually it feels good to write it. What's going to be tough is posting it. As you may have seen in "my fitness journey", I struggle with binge eating. For me it kind of comes in waves, and it is not something I am consistently facing. I may be fine and eating normal for weeks and even months before I have a couple bad weeks right in a row. I am writing this because it's been starting to happen again and I want to end before it gets out of control.
I don't feel like I completely fit the clinical definition for Binge Eating Disorder which (according to
Mayo Clinic) is:
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| Me a few weeks ago feeling so proud of my progress |
- Recurrent episodes of binge eating, including eating an abnormally large amount of food and feeling a lack of control over eating
- Binge eating that's associated with at least three of these factors: eating rapidly; eating until you're uncomfortably full; eating large amounts when you're not hungry; eating alone out of embarrassment; or feeling disgusted, depressed or guilty after eating
- Concern about your binge eating
- Binge eating at least twice a week for at least six months
- Binge eating that's not associated with purging, such as self-induced vomiting
The 4th point is what doesn't quite fit me, but the 2nd point really stands out, and pretty much describes my situation when this happens.
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| Me right now feeling like shmuck. |
Having this issue is TOUGH when in the fitness field. I like to think there are other group fitness instructors or personal trainers with eating issues, but it just doesn't get discussed because frankly its taboo. We're supposed to be "role models" and teachers and have the answers and how to's. And believe me I've got a ton of exercise physiology knowledge, and understand several complicated behavior change theory models, but for some reason some days that can not stop me from heading into that jar of peanut butter with spoon in hand and then not stopping there. I'm assuming I don't look like a binge eater because my weight is pretty normal, and as a fitness instructor I eventually burn a lot of those extra calories. But not all of them. I know I would be way closer to my fitness goals if I didn't keep falling into this cycle. And regardless if I look normal, I feel CRAPPY when this happens. Disgusted, depressed and guilty just like the definition says.
SO today when I found myself heading back and forth between the kitchen a few too many times, I decided to open up my computer and type this instead. And, as of the last 17 minutes that I've been typing this, I'm winning today's battle. In the past I've been able to pin point the situations that lead me to binge eat (being alone, feeling tired and fatigued) and even write up a beautiful list of things to do instead (take a quick walk outside or around the apartment building, call a friend, paint my nails...). But this is really the first time I was able to stop myself, and refocus on to something else. Ideally, I would have stopped sooner, BUT this is definitely progress for me.
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| Me again, drinking some water, big sigh, feeling better |
It's 2:45 right now and I teach two more classes tonight at 5. My goal is to stay focused on the rest of the day ahead, and not the past.
So that's some real talk for you today. Looking forward to getting better each day. Let's get it. =]
