It is taking a lot for me to write this. Well actually it feels good to write it. What's going to be tough is posting it. As you may have seen in "my fitness journey", I struggle with binge eating. For me it kind of comes in waves, and it is not something I am consistently facing. I may be fine and eating normal for weeks and even months before I have a couple bad weeks right in a row. I am writing this because it's been starting to happen again and I want to end before it gets out of control.
I don't feel like I completely fit the clinical definition for Binge Eating Disorder which (according to Mayo Clinic) is:
 |
| Me a few weeks ago feeling so proud of my progress |
- Recurrent episodes of binge eating, including eating an abnormally large amount of food and feeling a lack of control over eating
- Binge eating that's associated with at least three of these factors: eating rapidly; eating until you're uncomfortably full; eating large amounts when you're not hungry; eating alone out of embarrassment; or feeling disgusted, depressed or guilty after eating
- Concern about your binge eating
- Binge eating at least twice a week for at least six months
- Binge eating that's not associated with purging, such as self-induced vomiting
The 4th point is what doesn't quite fit me, but the 2nd point really stands out, and pretty much describes my situation when this happens.
 |
| Me right now feeling like shmuck. |
Having this issue is TOUGH when in the fitness field. I like to think there are other group fitness instructors or personal trainers with eating issues, but it just doesn't get discussed because frankly its taboo. We're supposed to be "role models" and teachers and have the answers and how to's. And believe me I've got a ton of exercise physiology knowledge, and understand several complicated behavior change theory models, but for some reason some days that can not stop me from heading into that jar of peanut butter with spoon in hand and then not stopping there. I'm assuming I don't look like a binge eater because my weight is pretty normal, and as a fitness instructor I eventually burn a lot of those extra calories. But not all of them. I know I would be way closer to my fitness goals if I didn't keep falling into this cycle. And regardless if I look normal, I feel CRAPPY when this happens. Disgusted, depressed and guilty just like the definition says.
SO today when I found myself heading back and forth between the kitchen a few too many times, I decided to open up my computer and type this instead. And, as of the last 17 minutes that I've been typing this, I'm winning today's battle. In the past I've been able to pin point the situations that lead me to binge eat (being alone, feeling tired and fatigued) and even write up a beautiful list of things to do instead (take a quick walk outside or around the apartment building, call a friend, paint my nails...). But this is really the first time I was able to stop myself, and refocus on to something else. Ideally, I would have stopped sooner, BUT this is definitely progress for me.
 |
| Me again, drinking some water, big sigh, feeling better |
It's 2:45 right now and I teach two more classes tonight at 5. My goal is to stay focused on the rest of the day ahead, and not the past.
So that's some real talk for you today. Looking forward to getting better each day. Let's get it. =]
I got you. I have the same damn problems. haha as a man trying the be as big and muscular as I can, I always blame it on "bulking" even though I know damn well that it's not. Support for ya from me. Lets get back on track and quit doing it! haha oddly enough, just reading this blog during a break from studying actually just took an urge to go back to the kitchen for a study snack haha.. Hoping after school it stops, cuz it seems to focus around exam weeks :/ BTW, first pic at the top of you... wow! looking great Lindsay!
ReplyDelete-Adrian
Thanks for your support Adrian =] Hope school's going well. Do you have plans after graduation? We should catch up soon!
DeleteAwesome post! You're candid honesty around a subject that is (seemingly) ignored by the world of fitness is insightful and refreshing! Keep talking about it and sharing your own battles with others. It obviously helps you work through the issues but can also be inspiring to others! Go Lindsay!
ReplyDeleteThank you Julia!!
DeleteAlso guilty of the second point. I buy reeses at the checkout when I go grocery shopping and even though I am all about organic non-gmo foods and anti-fast food, many times when I am in a hurry and have bad cravings I will give in and buy a beef and cheddar or a wendy's chicken sandwich (yes, fried-oh the humanity). Or that large starbucks latte that is way off limits. When this happens I hide because I don't want hubby to see me being weak. It gets worse when I exercise. My goal is now that I will be teaching 5 classes per week I should lose weight, but I am really concerned about my appetite and cravings. The more I excercise the more I gain, and no, this is not muscle weight. I am pushing 215 and I wear long sleeves because I am embarrassed to be an overweight fitness instructor. My fitness intensity is great and my students are always satisfied with my intensity level, in fact many people can't keep up with me!! But honestly I am concerned my joints cannot handle much more of this high-impact stuff if I don't get this weight under control. It is so hard to "cut-back" let alone make the perfect healthy choices every day when you are feeling hungry and depleted. I really am not trying to make excuses, and I have tried the whole "don't diet, change your eating habits for life" mindset, but to me it still feels like dieting, and frankly I just don't have the will power. I don't want to say it is hopeless, but I agree it is a very difficult situation to deal with, and in a way you have to hide because when you talk to others about it they say, oh, drink more water, eat less carbs, more out than in, try this fancy detox, get more sleep, do more cardio, do more strength training, try shakeology, oh, and my favorite one of all: you actually need to eat more to lose weight (yeah, put on 3 lbs overnight trying that one)...as if you have never considered or tried any of that, and it goes on and on...Ok, now that I am done complaining, I will add a little sparkle of hope at the end, or at least I see it that way...I have dropped weight and gotten all buff and had my diet under control before. Women would come up to me and say, "wow, I wish I looked like that in those pants, what is your secret?" I couldn't answer much besides saying that I work out a lot and eat right. And it was true. So why can't I do that now? Honestly, I think there is a SWITCH in your brain. Kind of like any other block or phobia you run into mentally that keeps things difficult for you-is switched off, not some funky hormonal imbalance. Somehow it has become a bigger problem in your mind and over time has become an impossible obstacle you have built up in your mind. I remember I have lost the weight more than once and I was on a roll. I felt fantastic and did everything right!! But for the life of me I don't know how I flipped that switch. It just seems I decided, without a doubt that I was doing this and not stopping. I also think that this switch was flipped when there was no pressure to do so. I just decided I wanted to make that change. Simple. Not because I had kids and felt the need to lose the baby weight and need to be attractive, not because I want to be better than someone else, not because I need to look good for my job...The pressure behind losing weight or eating right is what makes it the huge obstacle that it is in your head. I am going to try to prove this theory. I don't know how to remove this pressure, but there must be a way! Perhaps small baby steps, or perhaps cold turkey, I don't know. But there must be a way to flip that switch again. And once I do, I don't ever want to lose that momentum!! Please keep posting. This is definately a very real problem for a lot of people!!
ReplyDeleteawesome take on this.. thanks for reading! What classes do you teach?
DeleteI can definitely relate and I appreciate your honesty. I was married to a problem drinker for years and 'judged' him thinking why can't he just not drink, but there are times when I feel like I NEED foods (for me, it's mostly sugar, but definitely can get in a rut and get fast food, chips, etc.). I have gone through almost an entire box of donut holes several times (usually end up eating half the box before I even get out of my car). I hide them from my kids because I don't want to share. I have definitely been on this 'bad eating trend' lately and have been feeling the need to get back on track, but just haven't been able to. I guess it's good to know we're not alone, right? Wish there was an easy answer. Good for you for stepping forward and sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely good to know we're not alone. Thanks for your comment =]
DeleteI feel like you are a mirror of myself. I have a lot of the same problems and struggles with food. I have sat down with the carton of ice cream and a spoon one too many times. Thank you for sharing this, I too am trying to work on ways to keep me on track and reach my fitness goals and I think my diet and binge eating is hold me back from success. I am going to keep on trying to find ways to stay on the straight and narrow, thanks for the suggestions. You are an inspiration;)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Stacey, it really is tough. You're an inspiration too, I always admire your energy in class!!
Delete